Challenging yourself

Have you ever done something, accomplished something, that scared you a bit but made you super proud when you were done (like climbing a mountain, talking in front of an audience or starting a blog)? Something you shared with friends and family at parties or gatherings… or perhaps just a close friend because you didn’t want to admit that it scared you? But you carry that with you always in your head and heart because you know you conquered a fear and survived. It gives you strength for all future challenges.

Now I’m never going to jump out of a plane… unless it is mechanically unsound and someone puts a parachute on me and pulls the cord… even then, maybe not. Happy to zipline and leap off platforms but I am tethered to something that is (eventually) touching the ground. I respect gravity.

As children, we used to challenge ourselves on the daily. We would run through the woods, climb trees, jump between rocks, look for slimy creatures along the creek. We felt wild and brave. Our dogs were always at our side and we always managed to get back home. Taking risks and changing routines made us feel alive. We lived in an environment that supported this type of exploration. To this day, I am the person in our home called upon to handle situations involving snakes or spiders or heights or roof lines. They are part of my muscle memory. They are my familiar.

Once embedded, as a familiar or a fear, it is difficult to overcome. As adults, we don’t always have opportunities to challenge ourselves in a way that leaves us breathless and smiling. We may be asked to give a talk or a toast and we may bumble our way through it or leave the crowd laughing- at the content shared or ourselves… best sometimes not to ask. But how can we find ways to challenge ourselves that continue to build strength and character?

(Anyone else come from a family with the saying: Doing things you don’t like builds character? I often felt that I must be developing more than enough character… enough to share.)

These challenges may be intellectual, spiritual or physical. Sometimes they cross all categories. We often throw down the desire to take on a challenge at the start of the new year. To create a new you. I’m not a big advocate of living my life like that. One can easily drop out, or become discouraged, by something which carries so much internal pressure. And are we looking to create a new person or grow the one we have become familiar with? How can we best evolve into a better version of ourselves?

Some days I wake up with the best attitude and feel like I can take on the world, or at least my part of it. Other days I want to roll over and pull the covers over my head. All of this is normal and fine. There has to be a balance. But how do you incorporate small changes while occasionally taking on a challenge that boosts your morale?

Individually and independently, I try to step outside of my comfort zone. This practice can be very simple. Sometimes it involves finally taking on and completing a daunting task. (This morning I contacted multiple companies to officially change the last name of my daughters… not fun in any aspect at all ever.) Some of these challenges are drudgery and have been put off for days or weeks. And then one morning, something inside me clicks and I decide that the task will be completed. The joy I feel at completing the task far exceeds the dread and I reset once again to complete tasks as they appear. (Notice I wrote once again… depends on the next task and how painful it is to complete…)

But taking on a spiritual, physical or intellectual challenge can enrich our souls. To step outside of our comfort and familiar, to engage in something that unsettles us but makes us feel alive, to be unsure and forced to learn and adapt and then to be successful in our attempt, if not our execution, makes our hearts race and sends adrenaline soaring through our veins. To feel and grow and thrive.

And sometimes we can’t find a direction or locate a path to seek out an appropriate dare. Sometimes we need a friend or family member to help nudge us, to hold a light to help us find our way. Sometimes we need to attend a class or lecture or seek out company to face something together, even with a group of strangers. Sometimes we need help and it’s ok to ask and receive. After all, you have been happy to give of yourself to others so allow them the opportunity to return the favor the universe holds for you.

My partner in all things, my husband, has some fears that were strongly encouraged and fostered in him: heights (perhaps from being forced to climb onto the roof to clean gutters and then having the ladder removed by a laughing father and brother); confined spaces (this may be due to being shoved into the area reserved for the spare tire in the back of the station wagon- that’s on Gus & Cindy); spiders and snakes (unclear as to specific origin but so many people have this that I may not have bothered to enquire about it). He is the love of my life and strong in his love and care for us on a daily basis.

So, to show my appreciation of his undying love, I planned a surprise trip for his birthday last year. We stayed at a lovely inn (L’auberge Provencale if anyone is interested) with fabulous food and wine. After a wonderful walk through old fields of an historical farm and a fabulous evening and wonderful night’s sleep, I had him up before the crack of dawn to drive to our destination hike. Old Rag Mountain is in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains and is a popular spot so you have to arrive early to get a parking spot. The description reads that it has a rocky summit. So do most mountains so… you know, how bad could it be?

Having grown up in the country tackling rocks and rock climbing, I love this kind of thing. Since J.P. loves hiking with me, I assumed it would be the best adventure. The first few hours were spent hiking through beautiful forest and had somewhat of a climb. When we began to reach the extended summit, the rocky part became a bit more intimidating. There were steep inclines and rock scrambles. There were spots you had to leap across a crevasse. At some points, you had to extend your arms to brace yourself on one rock while shuffling your feet on another and there was a long drop in between. There were places you had to slide under rocks and duck between boulders. There was rock climbing. And all of this with your closest hundred or so friends who were directly in front and behind you. So you had no time to think or even overthink. You just had to go. You had to conquer your fears in front of, and at times with, a complete group of strangers. Now one of the great things about hiking and being around other hikers, is that a sense of community quickly forms. You reach out a hand to help strangers without thinking. You look out for better footholds or hand grabs and share this information with others. You look out for each other. You are connected. In both fear and familiar, you are connected.

There were times when J.P. looked at me and I thought, perhaps, this was not the best way to celebrate his birthday. When he was forced to squeeze into a tight spot or scale a rock close to the edge, he did not look so very happy. And there was probably at least a mile of sketchy parts.

But, at then end of the summit, when we sat on a rock and looked out at the tremendous view, when we could stand and see 360 degrees of beautiful forest and sky, when we could breathe in fresh air and eat our picnic lunch, when we could finally exhale, then we laughed. J.P. shared his greatest triumphs from our climb and his list of top ten freak out moments (there may have been more). He stood proudly next to the sign of the summit. His face was full of joy and the exhilaration that comes with conquering fear. He was my happy place.

Sometimes you need a partner or friend or even a stranger to help push you to challenge yourself in a positive way. Our trip down the mountain took a more gentle path. We laughed the entire way and held hands when possible. We skipped across rocks and noticed flowers and interesting trees. We inhaled and exhaled gratefully.

Find a way to challenge yourself over the course of this next week. Be kind to others who may be facing unseen challenges. Breathe deeply. Find you own way to exhale and be at peace. Feel alive.

(J.P. just left to go visit my mom. I cannot go as often so I don’t. Because it is also important to recognize when you need to stand down to stand up for yourself. When we talked about it this morning, I recognized that I’m not quite ready. I usually take about 10-14 days between visits so I can reset and find my exhale. Before I enter the building, I inhale deeply. And then it is shallow breaths while there and rapid breathing upon exiting. And then I enter a period of mourning. Because no matter how long we have been going through this, no matter anything, I am still left sad for what was and what will never be. And then I find my voice through writing and am able to sit with it, look at it, breathe it in, and then, finally, I am able to exhale.)