Giving is receiving

(I am taking a bit of a turn today. Thinking about the shifts and changes that have enabled me to grow and evolve and find peace along the way. So often we feel stuck in our lives, our situation, in ourselves. How can we crack the mold to find our escape? How can we locate our path to freedom?)

Each of us has something that touches our hearts. Even when we are at our lowest, we can find sympathy for another- a person or creature- that needs something we can provide. I am a firm believer that helping others always makes us feel better about ourselves. Years ago, after graduating from college, I was a social worker in Boston. After working in the system as a state employee, I transferred to an adolescent shelter. I had placed some of “my kids” in this shelter and hoped that working more intimately with some of these kids in tough transitions, might yield a more positive impact- for them and me.

(I was responsible for creating and running the day program for those adolescents who were not enrolled in a nearby school or for whom a nearby school was not an option. Adolescents were expected to have short term stays while more permanent placements could be found. Long term placements for teens are rare and for teens whom have had traumatic life experiences and who may not have had the best reactions to those situations, difficult at best. These kids may have a limited perspective on possible options and may have never witnessed any positive outcomes or resolutions. They may not have had any consistent relationship or realistic and accessible role model. They may have felt powerless and hopeless. So many kids walked through those doors with horrendous stories to share. More than not, those stories remained untold.)

During this time, Princess Diana was in the news for reaching out and supporting people who were HIV positive. Our local community had initiated a meal delivery service for people who were in their homes and struggling with the disease. Many were in an accelerated process of dying young. I spoke with the people who ran this program and we decided to offer an opportunity to any of the adolescents who were interested, to receive some informal education about HIV and to assist in delivering meals and needed supplies to people confined to their homes. We were a bit shocked and quietly thrilled when a couple of the kids responded with great enthusiasm that they wished to help with these efforts. (Remember that these are kids who mostly shuffled around the system with a garbage bag to hold their belongings, no sense of privacy and minimal emotional support systems.)

The very first day two kids joined the team to deliver meals, the very first day… they entered the building with huge smiles. They walked with pride and could not wait to share their experiences with anyone who would listen. They came to my office first. They shared the activities of their day and reflected on the value they as individuals, had provided to people in need. These kids who needed so much, had given to others. And by giving of themselves, they gained a sense of pride and accomplishment. They were also surrounded by adults who were giving and choosing to be part of the solution, part of their communities and part of the local heartbeat that drives and inspires communities to be better, do better, for all.

We have participated in a variety of efforts: hosting holiday parties where people gather to make meals and donations for a local homeless shelter; purchasing needed items and gifts for local families; helping people in need; volunteering teaching, coaching, assisting with community events. But our favorite efforts have been fostering dogs and cats for a local rescue (MASRescue.org).

We started this when the girls were young. I can’t remember exact ages but perhaps 6 and 9. And we have fostered almost 100 animals thus far.

Fostering has been a part of the girls’ lives throughout those awkward adolescent ages. Friends would often visit, play with and love on kittens and puppies and cats and dogs who had been pulled from bad situations. This socialization was wonderful for all. (A friend of Macy’s once shared that dogs were easier to deal with than people. I wholeheartedly agreed.) To be in a bad mood or funk or feel friendless or anxious or just blah… that’s difficult to maintain amidst puppy kisses. To watch a dog who is terrified of people, who has been abandoned or neglected or abused, to watch them learn to trust in people, in their environments, in themselves. To watch them learn how to play, interact, and eventually grow brave enough to sit in your lap and lean into you. To watch them become themselves, confident and proud and content in the safety and love of their environment. To help them become their best selves and then to assist in connecting them with their forever families. To watch these creatures you have nurtured and loved and cared for, run or walk or shyly approach another person who wishes to care, protect and love them forever, that is true love. That is connecting. To knowingly give knowing that they will leave.

But that opening allows another creature to be saved.

Please know that when you are feeling in need, reaching out to help others may be the best way to also help yourself. Not only do you feel fantastic being able to markedly improve another’s life, you also find others along the way with whom you share similar interests and passions. You can create and build entire new networks for yourself. You can quietly change and rebuild your life. Stepping out into the world to provide support, enriches your life and your personal growth. Giving is a form of being. And you are being awesome by being part of the solution.

Love others. Love yourself. Share love.