Reaching back

Do you ever think about those people, friends with whom you lost touch. Those that touched your soul. And wonder wish that you could cross paths again. Curious what their life path looks like. Missing the laughter you shared. Forgetting how the connections were broken lost. Life.

We move through activities events job changes relocations relationships children. And we lose people along the way. Some of these we are most grateful for losing. Others we may wistfully remember at random times.

During my divorce, I shut down shut out. I had to. Some whom I had trusted believed in, depended upon, turned their backs talked behind mine spread falseness created a damaging social cultural environment for my children. Some thought it their right obligation duty to assess discuss weigh my decisions. Without any knowledge. With no capacity for sympathy empathy. It’s like discovering online trolls at your kitchen table. And you did not invite them to come inside, sit down, feast at the table of your personal tragedy. And yet they do.

(It is these people who have nothing better to do in their lives or who have their own personal tragedies bubbling under the surface or who are just plain stupid evil and have chosen your life for their entertainment. They will hop from one personal tragedy in the community to another. Always trying to avoid slipping into the murky waters below. The murky darkness of their souls. I imagine alligators snapping at their heels. And yes, I may still hold a bit of a grudge. Although I do realize how ridiculous that is. Their self-hatred is enough. And then I hope for them that someday they may take a break from the external chatter and engage in personal reflection so that they may find their own peace. And then the ability capacity to truly sympathize care consider others. I hope)

I have recently been fortunate to cross paths with a few of the women whom I adored along the way. One by her courage and compassion to reach out to me (our moms have been best friends for decades and her mom visits my mom every month), one by accident (walking a local trail) and another one is planned with a mutual third party. Because when you recognize that the quality people you connected with have also connected with each other and that perhaps all can set aside an evening to share wine and conversation. So very welcome.

Loss can be all encompassing surround sound to the very depths. Divorce ends friendships and acquaintances and familial relationships. People take sides or step away. I have never experienced so much judgement or isolation in my life. You learn that meanness evil bitter hides in self-serving all-knowing let me tell you how to live your life and raise your children, are you sure this is the best thing for your kids.

(because abusive relationships really are best for kids, aren’t they? they can learn how to be abusers or abusees and carry on the family tradition)

And that everyone wants to not only share give convey their opinion. They want you to heed follow succumb to their way of thinking even knowing nothing. Because they are convinced that they know best.

(which helps to identify them as abusers who wish to carry on the legacy)

Break the chain. For yourself. For your children. For the love of anything everything.

And then there comes a moment. When all has passed and you have reflected and deflected and found your peace and happy and strong. When you stand proud and comfortable in your own skin. You know feel breathe inhale live that you are enough.

And then you are able capable ready to rebuild reconnect reimagine your family friendships connections. When you have healed and can let others back in. But never the same people who hurt you. Because you will not entertain them ever again.

But those people who uplift inspire understand. Welcome them back with open arms and hearts. You may even recognize another who has walked a parallel path. Someone you have not seen since the age of 10. Someone whose mother was best friends with your mother in high school college life until the end. Someone who has lost through death divorce isolation. Someone who has experienced the devastation of cancer and memory loss in parents. Someone who has continued to be a strong and amazing momma to her babies (grown and almost grown and still growing just like her momma). Someone who has found love and peace and now knows she is good enough (she always was). Someone you can message at odd times throughout the years and share intimate fears thoughts sadness hopes dreams.

Because we need a network of good in our lives. Truly meaningful support. Unbreakable threads that come in different shapes and sizes. But you know it when you experience it. A simple word phrase act can make you smile teary eyed relief exhale. And you know someone understands relates shares experiences. Even though you do not wish anyone to suffer. You are grateful that you can share. All of it. Beauty and pain. And sometimes in the same breadth.

(Reach out to someone whom you have missed thought about wondered. A simple call message invite for a walk. Think about those who have walked run crawled a similar path. Perhaps it is time to reconnect with those beautiful souls that have touched you along the way.)