Self-kindness: The missing piece of self-care

(Warning: this is one of those posts that’s geared more towards what I’m trying to do rather than what I’ve done. Learn from my missteps misfortunes misadventures misappropriation missed opportunities.)

I was raised to wake up with a list. A set of tasks deeds responsibilities items to check off. To be completed that day. And then add some as you move along. And at the end of each day. I am not complete. Not fulfilled. Not valid (yes, that’s a true feeling… again, not to be modeled). Unless I have can review in my head feel good about my accomplishments for the day.

(I am not good at sitting on a beach but would be happy to go for a walk run paddle board snorkel dive swim and even better if somehow I can combine all of these)

But all of this. These standards. Do not always help drive improve behavior lifestyle quality of life.

It is one thing to get close to home and see that you are a tenth of a mile away (or so) from a mile marker and circle around repeating steps so you can reach a goal.

It is an entirely different thing. To feel bad. Less than. Not enough. To reach a smaller goal. Perhaps a more realistic goal. For the day. For the moment. For the amount of sleep you have had or the tasks that really do need to be done.

At some point. We need to cherish the journey. Be proud and satisfied in whatever steps we take towards our health our healing our growth and strength.

If you start your morning with a cookie, the whole day is not wrecked. You had a cookie. Now move past it. (Or perhaps enjoy a second cookie and then find something a bit more healthy later in the day.)

If you didn’t run a certain number of miles or days or speed. Or run at all. That is fine. Find joy in movement. Stretch.

If your score didn’t make a record or a certain place on the board or you didn’t end up doing as well as you wanted wished. Even if you are comparing your performance to only you and not others. You performed. Take pride in that.

We are (ok I am) so good at setting ourselves up. To be disappointed. To be unhappy underwhelmed by doing. We (me again) can often feel that our doing is never enough.

(If you are reading this and wondering if I am referring directly to you. I am. This is about you. Or at least some piece of it is. Be grateful I am not including names…)

I wonder if it’s because we all want immediate satisfaction. A pill. A machine. A workout. A juice or smoothie.

We look for a magic solution resolution to self-care. We measure and assess our care.

But. Sometimes. We forget the self part.

The part that is loving and forgiving of others. That cheers others on for any and all steps movement joy they take.

(How come it is so easy for me to cheer on a momma I don’t know have never met. Who is out running moving perhaps for the first time after giving birth. Who may be pushing a jogger with one or more children. How come it is so easy to smile and wave to others who are trying to improve grow advance. And yet, I manage to never be satisfied. Happy. Proud of my performance.)

There are few days. I can’t remember one. In which I woke up and drank two glasses of water and ate an egg white omelette with veggies and then went for a run had more water and did some strength training later in the day followed by a handful of organic nuts and a piece of fruit and made dinner for all that included a lean piece of meat and more veggies and water. And yet, that is somehow in my head as the goldish standard. Something to strive for should not be the enemy of striving.

But. Rather. What if we took joy pride pleasure even. In the simple things we do. That help us or others. Be better. Healthier. More than.

What if we woke up each day knowing that we are enough. And some days we will be super amazing athletes. And others will find us cleaning out closets while the rain beats down on the roof. And some days. Reach out to a friend. Reach in. Need to just be still. Feel our heartbeats. Breathe.

(My friend Tony has told me innumerable times over the past 4+ years I have known him. Reminded me when things are tough rough not going well. Or when I am doing pushups. To breathe. Remember to breathe. Under stress duress we hold our breath. Tense up. Breathing allows our energy to flow and our mind to calm.)

And J.P. strives to constantly remind me that I do not need to itemize and quantify my goodness. My value. My worth. At the end of each day. These are constant.

(I just need to internalize these life lessons. Another thing to put on my to do list. See how easy that is)

And what precipitated this great insight. Made me think that all I have been told along the way might actually be real true?

While jogging. Slowly. I passed a older couple whom I have not seen before. He was using a walker. Perhaps for the first time. He looked to be a person who had taken care of himself and been active. He pushed along a quiet back road. He looked unhappy. Perhaps in pain. His wife was at his side. They did not speak to each other. I said hi and kept going. Later on. After I had turned at the top of a hill overlooking the Severn. After I had moved down one of my favorite roads. After I had crossed the grassy area between two adjacent communities. I came across them again. He had just sat down on the bench of the walker. He looked so unhappy. She looked frustrated.

I wondered what they could possibly be going through. No idea. But I also saw myself in this man’s anguish pain disappointment in his level of performance. And I wished I could let him know say converse about the fact that he was outside. Moving. And that was a wonderful thing. Trying. Even when we can no longer achieve what we once did. The effort. So real. So painful. Would have been so much better. With a smile.

We were in a beautiful setting. The sun felt warm on our faces. The weather was lovely. Birds singing. Fall flowers in bloom. And no positivity. No smiles. No encouragement.

And I thought. That cannot be me. I must remember always to be kind to myself. First. And then share that with others. Encourage strangers and friends. But don’t forget to encourage and be proud of yourself. Model what you hope to see in others.

Taking care of yourself begins with kindness.

(Pic of my super bright red face after my slow jog. Nala and Cooper’s ear are also featured.)